Why It Is Important to Understand English

I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

Short line...Just one lady in front of me...an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty?? Why it change?'

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'

The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people, too!'

I will wear blue... will you?

Blue Fridays.

Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing blue every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the 'silent majority'. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -- and continues each and
every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that ... every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar, will wear something blue. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of blue much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers. If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, coworkers, friends, and family, it will not be long before the USA is covered in BLUE and it will let our troops know the once 'silent' majority is on their side more than ever, certainly more than the media lets on. The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we do to make things better for you?' is ...'We need your support and your prayers.' Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example, and wear
something blue every Friday.

WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE
IF YOU ARE NOT BEHIND OUR TROOPS THEN STAND IN FRONT OF THEM.

Where to buy American gasoline

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON.

Gas rationing in the 70's worked even though we grumbled about it. It might even have been good for us!

Are you aware that the Saudis are boycotting American products?

Shouldn't we return the favor? Can't we take control of our own destiny and let these giant oil importers know who REALLY generates their profits, their livings? How about leaving American Dollars in America and reduce the import/export deficit?

An appealing remedy might be to boycott their GAS. Every time you fill up your car you can avoid putting more money into the coffers of Saudi Arabia. Just purchase gas from companies that don't import their oil from the Saudis.

Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill up my tank, I'm sending my money to people who I get the impression want me, my family and my friends dead. Don't you think it might be of interest to know which oil companies import Middle Eastern oil and which do not?

These companies import Middle Eastern oil:

Shell................................... 205,742,000 barrels
Chevron/Texaco.................. 144,332,000 barrels
Exxon /Mobil....................... 130,082,000 barrels
Marathon/Speedway............ 117,740,000 barrels
Amoco................................ 62,231,000 barrels

And CITGO oil is imported from Venezuela by Dictator Hugo Chavez who hates America and openly avows our economic destruction! (We pay Chavez's regime nearly $10 Billion per year in oil revenues!)

The U.S. currently imports 5,517,000 barrels of crude oil per day from OPEC. If you do the math at $95 per barrel (now it's over $100) that's over $524 million PER DAY ($191 BILLION per year!) handed over to OPEC, many of whose members are our confirmed enemies!!!!!

Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:
Sunoco....................... 0 barrels
Conoco....................... 0 barrels
Sinclair....................... 0 barrels
BP / Phillips................ 0 barrels
Hess. ........................ 0 barrels
ARC0......................... 0 barrels
Maverick.................... 0 barrels
Flying J. .................... 0 barrels
Valero........................ 0 barrels
All of this information is available from the U.S. Department of Energy and each company is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are importing.

But to have a real impact, we need to reach literally millions of gas buyers. With the help of the internet, it's really simple to do. Now, don't wimp out at this point....keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I'm sending this note to about thirty people. If each of you send it to at only ten more (30 x 10 = 300)....and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)....and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!!!!!!!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted! If it goes one level further, you guessed it....THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE--the entire population of the United States of America!!!!

Aunt Mildred

Aging Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, 'Your heart would be just below your left breast'.


Later that night........ Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Let's get out of our own way, shall we?

One day all the employees reached the office and they saw a big notice on the door which
read:

"Yesterday the person who has been hindering your growth in this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral in the gym".

In the beginning, they all were sad for the death of one of their colleagues, but after a while they started getting curious to know who was that man who hindered the growth of his colleagues and the company itself.

The excitement in the gym was such that security was ordered to control the crowd within the room. The more people reached the coffin, the more the excitement heated up.

Everyone thought:
"Who is this guy who was hindering my progress? Well, at least he died!" One by one the thrilled employees got closer to the coffin, and when they looked inside it they suddenly became speechless. They stood nearby the coffin, shocked and in silence, as if someone had touched the deepest part of their soul.

There was a mirror inside the coffin:
everyone who looked inside it could see himself.There was also a sign next to the mirror that said:

"There is only one person who is capable
to set limits to your growth: it is YOU."

The Lesson...You are the only person who can revolutionize your life. You are the only person who can influence your happiness, your realization and your success. You are the only person who can help yourself. Your life does not change when your boss changes, when your friends change, when your parents change, when your partner changes, when your company changes. Your life changes when YOU change, when you go beyond your limiting beliefs, when you realize that you are the only one responsible for your life. "The most important relationship you can have, is the one you have with yourself"

Living in Texas!

May 30th

Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying outside on a balmy night. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.


June 14th

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home with a pool, drive an air-conditioned car; what a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.

I'm turning into a sun worshipper.


June 30th

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.


July 10th

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.


July 15th

Fell asleep at the pool (got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.


July 20th

I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.


July 25th

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.


July 30th

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?


Aug 4th

Feels like it's 125 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.


Aug 8th

If another wiseass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!


Aug 9th

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.


Aug 10th

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do ANYTHING for 2 damn months and the wise ass weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.


Aug. 14th

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to a 115 today. I forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"

My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Freaking Texas!

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?

Dogs vs. Cats

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.


Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs .

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
Guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe.

For now....

Politicians and their many scandals

Doesn’t it seem odd how often we hear about all the scandals that go down in politics? Money laundering, sex scandals, cover-ups of bribery, and abuse of public trust are just a few of categories to mention. It seems like the only time I really know the details of a person’s political background is when the dirt comes out about their alleged wrong doings and its displayed all over the news and internet stories.

*~Read All About It Here~*

Strange dreams

I've been having some very vivid dreams lately.

Early this morning I was dreaming that it was hailing outside and I was bitching about my car getting damage and M and I were looking out the window at the hailstorm. I felt air coming in from behind me and I noticed one of the windows in another area of the house was damaged. Likely from the hail, as it looked like a baseball was thrown thru the glass, and there were several other holes in the glass... so my main concern was to get it fixed - and M was running around looking for duct tape. Yes, a man's 2nd best friend is duct tape. So, as he was looking for the tape, I noticed another window was wide open and then that stuck out as very strange because I know I would not have opened a window in the midst of a storm. As I started to approach the window, I felt this eerie feeling that someone was in the house. I headed towards the kitchen where I knew I could find a weapon, and there on the counter was a very large cutting knife. As I was reaching for it someone grabbed me and I was trying to yell as loud as I could for M, while trying to stab the arm of my assailant. I could see the arm and the knife going in, but I could not scream. All I could hear was moaning - and that sound you make in your dreams when you're trying to scream and can't. My alarm went off not to long after the attack, and I don't remember if I was actually hurt or not... but M thought I was having a REALLY good time in my dream.

Apparently he was watching me while I was having this bad dream because he thought I was going to say something that he could understand. He figured I was going to say a name or say something sexual because he thought I was having sex and moaning in my dream.

It wasn't really funny to me, but it was after I told him what I was dreaming about because of what he thought was going on. All day today I've had the lyrics by The Romantics running through my head - "I hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talking in your sleep".

I've read that dreams tell a lot about situations or circumstances that are actually going on in your life. Dream theorists have said falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. My dream could be interpreted as being chased or being attacked...and chase dreams may represent a way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault.

I'm not really sure why I'm having these dreams about being chased or not being able to scream as if I feel my life is out of control - but I don't really feel stressed or scared of anything that I can think of at the moment. Things are settling down for me, I'm more in control of my life than I have been in years. I've always had really strange dreams. Maybe if I talk about them more I can figure out why they keep happening. They are never the same though, so it's not a reoccurring dream - but its usually about me getting hurt or someone else. Kinda morbid, I know... I've always been this way.

Work Buzzwords

Work BuzzWords of ‘07


Blamestorming:
A group discussion about why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Cube Farm:
An office filled with cubicles.

Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up to see what's going on.

Mouse Potato:
The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs:
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

Swipeout:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

TIREDs:
Thirty-something Independent Radical Educated Dropouts. Anyone over thirty taking a gap year and calling it a 'career break'.

Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for taking free copies from one's workplace photocopier.

Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of hitting an electronic device to get it to work again.

Adminisphere:
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often completely inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404:
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found,' meaning that the requested document could not be located.

Generica:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

Ohnosecond:
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFs:
Well-Off Older Folks.

Crop Dusting:
Surreptitiously passing wind while walking through a cube farm.