Still hopeful...

Another week has passed... and I'm doing better. I'm back to work and keeping busy. Today I took my bf to the airport. Today he starts his vacation, and he's going to Chicago with a friend to go see a baseball game and hang out. Must be nice to have friends that want to hang out with you. I'm not hating on him, just a little jealous. He's jealous of me, I'm jealous of him... nothing makes sense anymore.

My vacation was spent cleaning, packing and crying. He's out having fun with a friend out of town. I'm not mad that he's out enjoying himself on his vacation, just that we didn't get to have the vacation we had planned. Most likely my fault because of the way things were going between us a few months ago.

I still have hope that this will all work out. I keep getting these emails that tell me that God is watching over me and that my life is the way it's supposed to be and I'm where I am for a reason. I'm trying my best to focus on the positive aspects of what's going on. He's a good man, he does love me, he's doing this for his son becasue he is a caring father. I was very selfish last year and kept putting my needs first, and so what goes around comes around. He needs to put his needs first now, and I have to be understanding. That's what people in love do.

This past month since he told me he was moving out, we have been closer than ever. I have cried more than I have in the past year, but it was expected. He's been really good to me, I've been really good to him and we're talking about how much we'll miss each other when we're not together. We are committed to each other and he's talking like everything will be just the same except he won't be with me every night.

My son will start in a new school this year, as I did when I was in first grade. He's young and resilient and will have no problem making new friends. He'll still be playing soccer with the same team - at least for this next season. He also mentioned an interest in baseball so that's more to keep us busy. If only I could get my ex to pay as much attention to our son as my bf does for his son, things would be better for all of us. I'm still waiting on the child support payments - thank God I don't depend on them.

I think I'm finally free of all the depression, just a little stressed to say the least. I'm doing the best that I can, and I think I've done all the right things to let my bf know that I am his soulmate and we are meant to be together. As much as I want things to go his way, I also want him to miss me so much that he'll be open to moving back together with me in the near future and we can compromise on how we want to live out our lives together.

falling apart

I've been crying a lot lately. I'm stressed because I am having to move, then my bf told me he is not moving with me. He's moving back to F.W. because its closer to his son and his family. He needs to be there for his son to help him with his school work and get him back on track.

I'm sad because I will be alone, and I don't have any friends that like to spend time with me, and I have to force myself on my family because they are just as secluded as I am. We live our own lives, and this is one of the downfalls of being independent and having a small family.

I'm crying now, because this all makes me so sad. I feel pathetic because I don't like to be alone, I CAN'T be alone - but I'm not alone. I have a wonderful 6 yr. old son but his company alone is not enough for me. He wants me to be his friend and I need some adult companionship.

My bf has been really great helping me get ready for the move and he'll help me get moved into my new place, but everytime I think about him not being here it breaks my heart. He'll never read this but he knows how much I'm going to miss him. I miss him already and he hasn't even left yet.

I'm sure I'll get thru this, I just got thru a divorce that lasted over a year. I got thru the last breakup, I got thru the depression and the anger and the hurt. Why does everyone always leave me? My son loves me unconditionally - him and my mother are about the only ones. My sister loves me but she doesn't understand how much more I need from her but I don't ask because I know she's dealing with her own problems.

I hope to be able to win his love back again. All his actions show me he loves me, and I hope he's not just being nice to get thru the next couple of weeks until he's out in his own place. He's such a great man - and I screwed something up. He told me his reasons for needing to do this but as much sense as it makes - I still think I did something wrong and pushed him away.

Everytime I get a text I hope its from him... sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. I know he's busy at work and so I don't expect him to be available to me every minute of everyday. But when I do get a text I'm happy that he's thinking of me.