28 March 2008
Living in Texas!
May 30th
Just moved to Houston. Now this is a city that knows how to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! I watched the sunset from a park lying outside on a balmy night. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home with a pool, drive an air-conditioned car; what a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this.
I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.
July 15th
Fell asleep at the pool (got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.
July 20th
I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
Aug 4th
Feels like it's 125 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman. I hate this stupid city.
Aug 8th
If another wiseass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug 9th
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do ANYTHING for 2 damn months and the wise ass weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
Aug. 14th
Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to a 115 today. I forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
Freaking Texas!
What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?
Dogs vs. Cats
DOG DIARY
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I
nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an
attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs .
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
Guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe.
For now....
21 March 2008
Politicians and their many scandals
Doesn’t it seem odd how often we hear about all the scandals that go down in politics? Money laundering, sex scandals, cover-ups of bribery, and abuse of public trust are just a few of categories to mention. It seems like the only time I really know the details of a person’s political background is when the dirt comes out about their alleged wrong doings and its displayed all over the news and internet stories.
05 March 2008
Strange dreams
I've been having some very vivid dreams lately.
Early this morning I was dreaming that it was hailing outside and I was bitching about my car getting damage and M and I were looking out the window at the hailstorm. I felt air coming in from behind me and I noticed one of the windows in another area of the house was damaged. Likely from the hail, as it looked like a baseball was thrown thru the glass, and there were several other holes in the glass... so my main concern was to get it fixed - and M was running around looking for duct tape. Yes, a man's 2nd best friend is duct tape. So, as he was looking for the tape, I noticed another window was wide open and then that stuck out as very strange because I know I would not have opened a window in the midst of a storm. As I started to approach the window, I felt this eerie feeling that someone was in the house. I headed towards the kitchen where I knew I could find a weapon, and there on the counter was a very large cutting knife. As I was reaching for it someone grabbed me and I was trying to yell as loud as I could for M, while trying to stab the arm of my assailant. I could see the arm and the knife going in, but I could not scream. All I could hear was moaning - and that sound you make in your dreams when you're trying to scream and can't. My alarm went off not to long after the attack, and I don't remember if I was actually hurt or not... but M thought I was having a REALLY good time in my dream.
Apparently he was watching me while I was having this bad dream because he thought I was going to say something that he could understand. He figured I was going to say a name or say something sexual because he thought I was having sex and moaning in my dream.
It wasn't really funny to me, but it was after I told him what I was dreaming about because of what he thought was going on. All day today I've had the lyrics by The Romantics running through my head - "I hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talking in your sleep".
I've read that dreams tell a lot about situations or circumstances that are actually going on in your life. Dream theorists have said falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. My dream could be interpreted as being chased or being attacked...and chase dreams may represent a way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault.
I'm not really sure why I'm having these dreams about being chased or not being able to scream as if I feel my life is out of control - but I don't really feel stressed or scared of anything that I can think of at the moment. Things are settling down for me, I'm more in control of my life than I have been in years. I've always had really strange dreams. Maybe if I talk about them more I can figure out why they keep happening. They are never the same though, so it's not a reoccurring dream - but its usually about me getting hurt or someone else. Kinda morbid, I know... I've always been this way.
Early this morning I was dreaming that it was hailing outside and I was bitching about my car getting damage and M and I were looking out the window at the hailstorm. I felt air coming in from behind me and I noticed one of the windows in another area of the house was damaged. Likely from the hail, as it looked like a baseball was thrown thru the glass, and there were several other holes in the glass... so my main concern was to get it fixed - and M was running around looking for duct tape. Yes, a man's 2nd best friend is duct tape. So, as he was looking for the tape, I noticed another window was wide open and then that stuck out as very strange because I know I would not have opened a window in the midst of a storm. As I started to approach the window, I felt this eerie feeling that someone was in the house. I headed towards the kitchen where I knew I could find a weapon, and there on the counter was a very large cutting knife. As I was reaching for it someone grabbed me and I was trying to yell as loud as I could for M, while trying to stab the arm of my assailant. I could see the arm and the knife going in, but I could not scream. All I could hear was moaning - and that sound you make in your dreams when you're trying to scream and can't. My alarm went off not to long after the attack, and I don't remember if I was actually hurt or not... but M thought I was having a REALLY good time in my dream.
Apparently he was watching me while I was having this bad dream because he thought I was going to say something that he could understand. He figured I was going to say a name or say something sexual because he thought I was having sex and moaning in my dream.
It wasn't really funny to me, but it was after I told him what I was dreaming about because of what he thought was going on. All day today I've had the lyrics by The Romantics running through my head - "I hear the secrets that you keep, when you're talking in your sleep".
I've read that dreams tell a lot about situations or circumstances that are actually going on in your life. Dream theorists have said falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life. My dream could be interpreted as being chased or being attacked...and chase dreams may represent a way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. A more direct analysis of chase dreams is the fear of being attacked. These dreams are inspired by fears of violence and sexual assault.
I'm not really sure why I'm having these dreams about being chased or not being able to scream as if I feel my life is out of control - but I don't really feel stressed or scared of anything that I can think of at the moment. Things are settling down for me, I'm more in control of my life than I have been in years. I've always had really strange dreams. Maybe if I talk about them more I can figure out why they keep happening. They are never the same though, so it's not a reoccurring dream - but its usually about me getting hurt or someone else. Kinda morbid, I know... I've always been this way.
04 March 2008
Work Buzzwords
Work BuzzWords of ‘07
Blamestorming:
A group discussion about why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Cube Farm:
An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up to see what's going on.
Mouse Potato:
The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs:
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Swipeout:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TIREDs:
Thirty-something Independent Radical Educated Dropouts. Anyone over thirty taking a gap year and calling it a 'career break'.
Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for taking free copies from one's workplace photocopier.
Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of hitting an electronic device to get it to work again.
Adminisphere:
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often completely inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404:
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found,' meaning that the requested document could not be located.
Generica:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
Ohnosecond:
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFs:
Well-Off Older Folks.
Crop Dusting:
Surreptitiously passing wind while walking through a cube farm.
Blamestorming:
A group discussion about why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Seagull Manager:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
Assmosis:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
Salmon Day:
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
Cube Farm:
An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging:
When someone yells or drops something in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up to see what's going on.
Mouse Potato:
The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs:
Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
Stress Puppy:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.
Swipeout:
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
TIREDs:
Thirty-something Independent Radical Educated Dropouts. Anyone over thirty taking a gap year and calling it a 'career break'.
Xerox Subsidy:
Euphemism for taking free copies from one's workplace photocopier.
Irritainment:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
Percussive Maintenance:
The fine art of hitting an electronic device to get it to work again.
Adminisphere:
The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often completely inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404:
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message '404 Not Found,' meaning that the requested document could not be located.
Generica:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
Ohnosecond:
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFs:
Well-Off Older Folks.
Crop Dusting:
Surreptitiously passing wind while walking through a cube farm.
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