Lets take it way back - part 1

Going back to sometime around August 2008, whoa! Do I really want to do this to myself? Drudge up all these past memories. Of course I do - its the best way to heal; to release the anger and pain, and it's good reading later down the road.

So, back in Aug 2008 my bf moved out. He moved closer to his family and I was going to stay close to my job. I had planned to renew my lease at my apt for 9 months, then move the next summer. Well, the apt complex had different plans for me. What management decided was that my apt needed an upgrade, so I was told I had to move out temporarily - to an extended stay suite regardless of the inconvenience while my apt was upgraded. Then after 3 weeks renovation, I could move back in and start paying $200 more a month. Umm no thank you. I was caught off guard, feeling abandoned and now rejected and I had to move. So what does my dumbass do, follow the bf. I was looking for a place right down the street from him. He didn't like that idea. I didn't understand why. I bent over backwards to make this work. So I decided somewhere in the middle - close to him but still close to work. I had to have my son change schools again. The neighborhood where I was currently was a bit expensive so I wanted to cut costs. After I moved, things didn't get much better between us. He'd come over, same ole crap. Back and forth - we'd fight, we'd make up. He didn't like my son, his kid didn't want to be here and his family always came first. After a year of this we talked about moving back in together. He couldn't make up his mind. One day he's all about it, the next day it was like I was forcing it on him. So the final decision was we would move in together - close to his work, close to his family and close to his son. Now we are in August of 2009. My son changed schools again, and my drive was farther from work. But I'm all about compromise. You do these things for love, right? So we move in, I give his brother all my furniture because now we're sharing things. We bought some things together and it finally felt like we were making progress and moving forward. We sign a year lease on a house this time and it was really nice. It was big, we could host parties and not be cramped, we could get pets if we chose and the kids had a yard to play in and we hoped there would be neighborhood friends for my son to play with after school and on weekends. After we move in, his attitude reared it's ugly head again. He was always upset with my son because my son didn't act like his son. He resented my ex husband because he was doing more for my son than his own dad was. My bf and his son picked on my son, they were just downright mean and the whole time they had me thinking my son was acting like a brat when I wasn't looking. I tried so hard to make things work and I tried to make everyone happy. What really hurt me most was when I had to go out of town and he couldn't go because he couldn't get time off. While I'm away he has a party with all his family in our house. Then when I get back he says they don't feel comfortable around me and they won't come around when I'm there. What?! Ok I'm tired of being the outsider, my own bf won't stand up for me and he obviously feels they have a right to feel that way. All I've done is go out of my way to do everything his way, and it's still not good enough. So things start going downhill very rapidly. Christmas rolls around and it's uncomfortable - with his family. Then new years was ok - with his family. By February it was hard to tell if we were even going to be celebrating Valentines day. I got him something just in case, and I tried to be thoughtful, but there wasn't much assurance it would be appreciated or reciprocated, so I didn't overspend. Then Valentines came around and he was nice and got me a nice gift and then it seemed like he didn't like what I got him. Over the next couple of weeks he was just being very inconsiderate. One morning he decided on a Sunday to get up and go fishing at 6am. He called to say he'd be home around 10. So my son and I waited for him to get home so we could eat breakfast. He got home and said he had just picked up something on his way home and wasn't hungry. I got pissed. I told him I thought he was being a bit inconsiderate to do that and not say anything knowing we were waiting on him to eat. He said he was tired of my nagging and broke up with me on the spot. What I was really upset about was the fact that this day happened to be our 3 year anniversary.... (to be continued)

Testing from my iPhone

Just checking out the new feature! New to me lol

It's been a while!!!

Wow! So, here I am 3 and a half years later - and I can't believe how much has changed. I am going to start writing here again, so stay tuned!

As I go back and read some of my prior posts, I recall all the emotions I was going thru, the sadness, the anger. I have grown and changed so much, so it's going to be exciting (at least to me) to start blogging again and see just how much different I am now.

Well, my mom is here visiting this weekend, so I don't have much time to dedicate on here at the moment, but I will do plan to make some time soon.

Take care

Jelly