falling apart

I've been crying a lot lately. I'm stressed because I am having to move, then my bf told me he is not moving with me. He's moving back to F.W. because its closer to his son and his family. He needs to be there for his son to help him with his school work and get him back on track.

I'm sad because I will be alone, and I don't have any friends that like to spend time with me, and I have to force myself on my family because they are just as secluded as I am. We live our own lives, and this is one of the downfalls of being independent and having a small family.

I'm crying now, because this all makes me so sad. I feel pathetic because I don't like to be alone, I CAN'T be alone - but I'm not alone. I have a wonderful 6 yr. old son but his company alone is not enough for me. He wants me to be his friend and I need some adult companionship.

My bf has been really great helping me get ready for the move and he'll help me get moved into my new place, but everytime I think about him not being here it breaks my heart. He'll never read this but he knows how much I'm going to miss him. I miss him already and he hasn't even left yet.

I'm sure I'll get thru this, I just got thru a divorce that lasted over a year. I got thru the last breakup, I got thru the depression and the anger and the hurt. Why does everyone always leave me? My son loves me unconditionally - him and my mother are about the only ones. My sister loves me but she doesn't understand how much more I need from her but I don't ask because I know she's dealing with her own problems.

I hope to be able to win his love back again. All his actions show me he loves me, and I hope he's not just being nice to get thru the next couple of weeks until he's out in his own place. He's such a great man - and I screwed something up. He told me his reasons for needing to do this but as much sense as it makes - I still think I did something wrong and pushed him away.

Everytime I get a text I hope its from him... sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. I know he's busy at work and so I don't expect him to be available to me every minute of everyday. But when I do get a text I'm happy that he's thinking of me.