Lets take it way back - part 2

(continuation of part 1)

So, I've just been dumped on the exact day of my 3 year anniversary, and he's pissed and leaves to go to his family's house.  I'm at home crying and just totally stunned at the events that just took place.  When he gets back he says he's not moving out right away, he's waiting til the first of August.  Hold up!!! What the hell... we're in March.  You just broke up with me and now I have to live with you for 5 more month.  Can life get any worse?  That was a rhetorical question, but eventually I got the answer.  Umm yes, it can - and it did.  So, he breaks up with me, but like most men, still wants to sleep with me, but then he gets pissy when I tell him we can't sleep in the same bed anymore.  I mean, come on now, you just broke my heart.  I was completely devastated.  I cried every night - and most days he would stay gone, at work, out fishing, hanging out with some gay guy.  Oh yeah, this was a trip. I'm fine with gay and lesbian people - I have no issues, except when I have this gut feeling that his friend, who is gay, is making moves on him and he doesn't realize it.  I think the guy was giving him a shoulder, being the good friend and letting him vent, but also throwing in his 2 cents.  I think he was trying to get close to him.  It was disturbing to me, and I called him out on this.  One day the bf and his son were hanging out at this guys house and they went swimming in his pool. The gay guy let him borrow a shirt.  Ok, first of all, I don't let my girlfriends borrow my clothes, so for two guys to share clothing really was a red flag.  I was really feeling weird too because, was I about to be a victim of my bf leaving me for a man??!!  OMG, what the hell is wrong with me?!  Well, I'll never know the truth, but eventually that friend went away after some time - but it was a very strange situation, none the less. 

The living situation was awkward - you know that song by Script "breakeven" - I was living that song "I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing... I got time while he's got freedom, cuz when a heart breaks, no it don't break even" - I would tear up every time I heard that song on the radio.  I could not move out, my son was 8 at the time and it was mid school year.  The lease was up mid August, so I could move before the next school year started.  He, on the other hand, could have been a man and moved out, but he did not.  He made me suffer, and suffer I did.  I suffered for the next 6 months, I cried every single day for 6 whole months.  I never thought a person could cry so much - and I honestly did love him and he hurt me in just about every way possible.  Finally when July came around, I had to go to Roswell to meet my ex husband half way at my moms house so he could pick up our son to keep him for the last month of summer vacation.  I was gone 3 days.  When I got back, the bastard had moved out.  He left me with almost no furniture, I had my bed and my sons bed and that was it.  We were sharing the living room furniture, he took his bed and all his other things.  Oh, I did have the dining room table and chairs, I bought that.  The house was just unbearable to look at - it was so sad.  I was so sad.  But, I had to be strong - story of my life.  So, even after moving out and leaving me the way he did, he still wanted to hang out.  He said he was still having a hard time letting go as well. I hated him, but I loved him at the same time.  I think that was the hardest thing I had dealt with in such a long time.  I didn't have much time to go out and do things, I was having to pack up everything myself for the next move. I was totally used to that - I've moved so many times, I've got that down pat. At this point, I was so mad at the world, I decided to move back to the suburb where I work - 2 miles from my job.  I said screw him and screw the family, they never come to visit me anyway and I was right down the road.  The further away I was from the ex bf, the better.  I would not be tempted to see him or have him over.  But, wouldn't you now, I moved really far away and he would still come over sometimes.  That made me believe that he honestly still did love me and was having a hard time letting go.  But he wasn't suffering like I was - I was the one that got dumped and felt like I wasn't good enough.  I bent over backwards but I wasn't wife material.  I think he wants a wife to be seen and not heard.  That is NOT me!!!  Besides that, his whole family were alcoholics, he was borderline alcoholic and I could not stand going to the family events and if you didn't drink they criticized, but if you did drink it was overdone.  If I didn't put on a happy face I was being a bitch and they just never liked me, and I never felt accepted.  I tried, I really did try to accept it and say this is how it's going to be, deal with it.  But, now that I look back, I am so glad it did not work out. 

It was February (2011) when I finally had enough of the stringing along and I didn't talk to him anymore.  He did come by one last time to pick up something of his that was in my lock box and he didn't even come inside.  I suspect he had someone in the car with him.  He was amicable - he said he still wanted to be friends and he gave me a goodbye hug.  That just confused the hell out of me, but I said goodbye and let it be.  Now, I did do some stupid things after, like look him up on facebook and that was heartbreaking.  Not only had he moved on, he was doing things with her that he'd never do with me, like take pics together, go to certain places and apparently she was in good with the family.  This was only a month later.  I was like, wow, ok he was completely over me so quick - I had apparently lost him a long, long time ago. By April - I was in complete dismay over the news I recently discovered... (to be continued)